We caught up with Mary Ann Farley, SNJM as she was preparing for the memorial of our member, Clyde. Mary Ann is a longtime visitation volunteer and assists our Spiritual Support Coordinator with memorials.
Q: What’s it like to walk next to a member in their last days?
“I find it a really holy journey and one I feel privileged to be on with anybody. There is a flow of life, even in the face of death.”
Q: What’s your relationship with the deceased’s friends and family during this time?
“You get pretty connected when you journey with somebody whose loved one is dying. You’re way more important in their life than you otherwise would be. Sometimes people see me as a connection to their deceased loved one as we plan the memorial service together.”
Q: Do you have one piece of advice you’d give to someone facing the death of a loved one?
“Sometimes when people are grieving they tell me, ‘I try not to cry.’ And I reply, ‘They’re worth every tear. Only strong people are willing to cry. Weak people won’t let the walls down.’”
Q: What do you find especially hard about this type of work?
“Sometimes I spend an inordinate amount of time doing the program for a memorial – moving pictures around – the whole time just thinking about what they are like. Some people seem to get hit with so many hard things in life.
“And then people like me – nothing ever goes wrong, other than I miss the bus once in a while. I wonder about that a lot.
“Sometimes people tell me, ‘I must be needed down here by God.’ But I think that it’s more about how we pay attention to each other.
“I don’t see God moving us around like chess pieces or puppets. More like we’re created to be the kind of people that pay such good attention to each other that we’re there in the right moment. I think that’s how we’re wired, provided we give ourselves enough time, sleep, and space.”
– Mary Ann Farley, SNJM
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